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RSSFriday, November 8, 2013
The Unpleasant
THE UNPLEASANT
Morning
sunlight streamed across the dew-covered tree-tops and the flower-scented
gardens of the “Home De’Hall” as Lord Richard De’Hall gazed with deep concern
across the lands surrounding his castle.
Richard
was a tall man with salt and pepper hair, beard and mustache and a portly
physique brought on by his love of good food, drink and leisurely lifestyle.
Known to his friends and the people in his lands as a kindly man, he had an
agreeable, open face and a mouth more suited to smiles than the frown that now
marred his expression.
Richard was troubled by talk coming from
outside the borders of his lands, rumors that spoke of something coming;
something unpleasant.
“What
if it was invaders from an evil kingdom?
What if highwaymen had decided to waylay his Lady wife on her way to the
market? Richard knew he must protect his people, lands and wife!”
Of course, Richard, being the kindly man
he was, had never been confronted with the need to take this type of
action. His pleasant nature had always
been his best defense, and normally he was proud of it, but it would not serve
him in this situation. He knew he needed help.
“I will seek counsel from the sage of the
Marte’s.” Many people came every day to seek his assistance for simple day-to-day
concerns and major needs. Surely he can provide me with the assistance I need. “Perhaps
an army of trained soldiers or fortifications of some grand design.” Richard smiled, at last feeling more in
control, and went to tell his lady wife. Lady De’Hall, also a kindly soul,
could not bear the thought of the unpleasant with its unknown horrors. She hurried
her husband into a coach with a kiss and a wave, and Richard was on his way.
The coach finally reached its
destination in front of the doors to the Wal De’ Marte’s, where he was led to
an area of the great hall where the sage sat listening to the pleas of the
people and dispensing advice and aid. The sage beckoned him forward.
“Great sage, I must know. How do I
avoid this unpleasant that threatens to engulf my kingdom? How can I best
protect my lady wife, my people and our lands?”
The great sage considered the question
for a moment and then, reaching behind his chair, brought forth a strangely
shaped short sword and a small metal container with a shocking pink cap.
“Lord De’ Hall, I bestow upon you
this magical elixir. Walk your lands
tonight and spray its contents when you believe you are near the threat. If a
threat is nearby, it will be illuminated with this brilliant color, which shall
serve as a beacon to you, then, with this enchanted blade you may strike down
your enemies. “Go forth now and do battle!”
“Ah, your wiseness?” Richard was a little
disturbed by the terms “smite and “do battle.”
“I don’t mean to be a bother or seem
ungrateful, but you mean me to do this by myself, alone?” Richard winced even
as he spoke the words, knowing that he did sound ungrateful and he was being a
bother.
The sage gave him a quelling stare. “I have given you what aid and counsel
you require. Go forth!”
When
Richard returned to his castle Lady de’ Hall was waiting to greet him. She listened with great interest as Richard
shared his tale and showed her the tools he had been given.
“You must try this immediately!” She
said.
She knew her lord, by virtue of his preference
for leisurely pursuits, might decide to wait until after supper and then it
could be days before the deed was done. Taking the initiative, she encouraged
him to attend to the task now, and Richard did so with all the
single-mindedness of a man whose supper is getting cold.
He found a place to sit and wait. The
idea of waiting for an undetermined amount of time, for an undisclosed
discomfort to arrive, caused certain frustration to arise but still, he waited.
As the sun sank below the horizon, the evening mists turned into a dense, wet
fog and his thoughts began to work overtime
“Is
that the unpleasant now? I think I hear it approaching. I’m certain that must be the unpleasant. It’s time!”
With this last thought he began to spray
into the darkness to the left, now the right, behind him, just in front of him
in the shadows, even at his very feet. The unpleasant was everywhere and yet he
could not see it. Where could it be? What if it was in the branches above him
getting ready to pounce? Everywhere he
looked he saw only pink spray and darkness. Finally the pressure became too
much.
“Come out, you evil things! Come out
here and fight fair!”
Silence
was the only answer. He shouted a few other things into the darkness that were
quite out of character with his pleasant nature, then threw his hands up in
defeat.
“That
is it! Clearly the sage is a charlatan. I may have felt something, but I saw
nothing substantial. There was nothing to smite!”
Richard didn’t know whether to feel foolish or
to be relieved he hadn’t had to smite anything after all. He decided to feel
relieved and, determined he would go home and see if he could get some supper
at last.
Lady
De’Hall was waiting for him in the dining room and gave a great cry of dismay
when he walked into the room.
“Husband, what happened? Have we
lost the battle? Do we flee?”
Richard
was puzzled by her words and although he was a man of pleasant nature he was
also cold and wet, and his belly was empty, so it isn’t surprising that he
responded in somewhat less than pleasant manner.
“What
the blazes are you yammering about?” he shouted. “I’m exhausted, cold, wet and
starving where is my supper?”
“Clearly you need to look in a mirror.” She gestured toward the bathing
chamber with a severe look. Of course he
was all those things, but “Yammering?” Really!
Richard was taken aback by his wife’s
snippy response and hurried toward to look into the great mirror on the wall.
He was covered from head to toe in shocking pink paint.
“What kind of trick is this?”
Richard stormed back into the dining room.
“I asked the sage for help! I did as he
instructed! I knew the unpleasant was there in the woods with me. I felt it so
I sprayed the elixir. Why is it I am the only thing covered in this cursed
color?” Richard glared at his wife.
“I
don’t understand,” He went on. “Does this mean that I am the unpleasant? That’s
not possible.”
Richard’s wife looked at him with some
concern as well as a little skepticism. After all, he was being a bit
unpleasant at the moment, but she did not mention this observation. Instead, she thought back to the rumors and
realized she couldn’t recall their actual origin.
“Husband,
do you recall who started the rumors?”
She was beginning to have a suspicion. Richard,
who had been pacing and muttering to himself, stopped to consider her words,
which was more productive than pacing and muttering as well as better for the
carpet, seeing as how every step left shocking pink foot prints across the
floor.
“Now that you mention it, I don’t recall
actually getting a name. What does that mean though? There was something in the woods with me. It
was everywhere around me and so very close.” He pondered and then a sheepish
grin appeared on his face.
“The unpleasant was in the woods with me
because I created it. I made it happen with my own unfounded fears, worries and
doubts. No wonder I’m pink from head to foot. I sprayed the source of the
unpleasant: Myself!” Richard’s pleasant nature re-asserted itself as his wife
began to giggle.
“Thank
goodness I didn’t try to smite anything. I might have cut off something
important.” Now Lady De’Hall was genuinely laughing, and Richard joined her in
the mirth of the moment. Richard gestured toward the dining table where a
silver service and dome-covered tray sat.
“Is
there any food for a poor, worn out, pink warrior to eat around here?”
Lady
De’ Hall approached her husband with a smile and gave him a loving kiss on one
shocking pink cheek.
“As
a matter of fact, there is and I can guarantee that eating it will be an
extremely pleasant adventure.”
And
it was.
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